The Last 7 Years

With just days left until Graduation, I have found myself reminiscing about the last 7 years: the experiences I've had, the people who have come and gone, the moments of pure happiness, and the times I had reach a low. This last 7 years of my life have brought so many changes and that optimistic, bright eyed, inexperienced 18 year old who moved to Kansas City in the summer of 2008 had no idea what was in store.

I grew up in a relatively small town, had an incredible high school experience, and was blessed with the best friends anyone could ask for. When I moved to Kansas City, I was unsure about the city life having grown up in close knit community, but I was optimistic about my new journey. I remember my mom moving me into the dorms. We unpacked everything, had a couple oreos, and then we both cried when it was time for her to leave. I have only seen my mom cry a handful of times in my life. After it was all said and done, we both agreed we weren't ready and I went back home that night and didn't spend my first night in the dorms until a couple days later. Within a month, I absolutely hated the city, the traffic, and the way people treated each other. It wasn't my small little town that I had grown so use to, but by December I had adjusted. I had made a group of good friends and by the end of that first semester all the initially "drama" was all worked out. We did a lot of late night studying and Quiktrip. I spent a lot of nights talking to my roommate in the dark. I went through my first "tough" break up that spring. I had a couple of weeks where I thought I was going to have to drop out of medical school, because I couldn't afford it, but was luckily saved by my grandparents. My first year of college was like anyone's, full of surprises.

 

When I moved to Kansas City, I transferred my job from the St Joseph JC Penney's to the Independence JC Penney's. This was another experience in my life that took some adjusting. My first year at the new store was not one that I remember favorably, but my second year I transferred departments and made my first friends at the new store. It was this group of people who helped me through some of the toughest months of my life. There were lots of Royals games, random stop by visits, and food.

 

 

My second year, I lived with a couple of roommates who I had never met. Hannah was a freshman who grew up around the area and Pauline was a foreign exchange student from France. Our apartment was full of giggles, long talks, and various cuisine. I don't know how I would have made it through that year without them. This of course was the year of my extension which was the first time I had to face failure. I remember the call to my grandparents(if you recall they were helping with the loans for medical school.) This conversation really sums up my grandpa. I'll set the scene for you: I was 19, sobbing uncontrollable and unable to make words, pacing my bedroom on the phone with my grandfather trying to figure out how to tell him I had failed biochemistry and would have to take another year of school.

Grandpa: I can tell you are in no place to talk so let's start with yes and no questions.

Kate: *sobbing*

Grandpa: Are you pregnant

Kate: *perplexed* No...

Grandpa: Are you running off to get married

Kate: (crying has now slowed down due to confusion) No...

Grandpa: Are you dropping out of school

Kate: No...

Grandpa: Well then I figure we can handle it.

And he meant it. They never doubted me for a moment. Not even in failure. I remember getting a speech after I found my voice and told them what happened about stumbling blocks and failure building character.

That summer I went on the best vacation I have ever been on. The beach, the alcohol, the excursions, my leap of confidence. I spent the rest of that summer working, going to Royals games, and living carelessly. I found a crazy sense of confidence and renewed optimism. We will call my 3rd year, the year of weddings and baby showers. My sister got married that fall as well as my Aunt Becky who I grew up with. I also remember that there was a lot of snow that year and a lot of studying.

That summer I turned 21 and met the guy who would I would then spend the next year and a half with. That August, I went through my White Coat ceremony where I was placed with the group of students I would do clinic with for the next 4 years. Mostly my fourth year of medical school was the year of studying, crafting, and love. I remember being very stressed about my my medical micro final and being allowed to open one of my Christmas gifts early, because I have always loved Christmas. It was my first cutting mat which opened the door of quilting to me. The first quilt I would end up finishing would be for my first niece who was born that spring and would be the first to call me my favorite name, "Aunt Katie."

 

 

It was during my fifth year when I realized I didn't want to be an OBGYN(I went through a short period of time (about a year) where I thought I was going to do OBGYN), which left me feeling lost about where I wanted my career to go. It was about 6 months after that when I realized Emergency Medicine made the most sense to me. Which I found very perplexing at the time, because when I entered medical school I remember thinking the only specialty I definitely didn't want to do was ER. But alas, my 18 year old self knew very little about where we were heading. Fifth year was also my first Doro experience, which I remember to be miserable. It was the year that I took the first part of my board exam. And it was that summer that I started to lose my step dad and father figure to the dark world of addiction. Fifth year was definitely not my favorite year.

My sixth year of medical school was all about the clinicals. Surgery, OBGYN, Psychiatry, Emergency Medicine, Internal Medicine, Family Medicine, and Pediatrics. It was a full year and I had finally found the place in medical school where I did well. I am most certainly a better clinician than a test taker. Overall I loved this year. I was incredibly busy, but I was headed somewhere and was starting to figure things out. It took me one shift to know the Emergency Medicine was exactly where I belonged. It is a weird thing to decide your specialty. Everyone decides differently, but for me it was just a feeling that I was where I belonged. I was incredibly happy being in the Emergency Department. I had found my home and the people who thought like me.

Which brings me to my final year, the year of residency interviews, my month in North Carolina, the birth of my second niece, and finishing up medical school. I had imagined this year as being more relaxing and laid back. Turns out that making life changing decisions and spending full days trying to impress your possible future employer is actually quite stressful. This may very well have been the most stressful year of my life and the one that has had the biggest rewards. When I made my rank list, it was an exhausting process. First I made fact sheets about the programs and then I made pros and cons lists. My biggest decision was whether or not to leave the Kansas City area, because after living here for 7 years I have come to the decision that this is the best city in the country to live. I utilized my resources and talked things through many times. But it came down to coffee with my adviser and one last talk through where I made my final list. I submitted it at the end of January a month early and never looked at it again. I didn't want to rethink myself. I had made my decisions and had decided I was okay with leaving the area for residency. When March came I wasn't really nervous until right before. I had pushed it far from my mind. I was able to open my envelop that held my placement surrounded by my family, the people who had supported me for 7 years through my ups and downs. It was the most amazing moment to have my family united together and sharing the most important day of my life with me. I was beyond excited to see that I had matched to my #1 choice in Little Rock.

I started this post talking about how my life had changed in 7 years. I have certainly had my share of loss and hardships during this journey. I lost who I was countless times over the years. I lost an extra year of my life to my extension, my step-father to addiction, my grandfather to cancer. I've made and lost friends and relationships along the way.

However, some things have remained constant over the years. I still have the same group of high school friends and a life long childhood friend who I can count on at any time. I have a family who have loved and supported me no matter what happened. Believed in me on the days/months/years that I was sure I was destined for failure. Who have made me smile even when I didn't want to. Who have made countless sacrifices to help me achieve my dreams.

Most importantly, I have gained so much over the last 7 years of my life. I have 2 incredibly gorgeous nieces plus an adopted niece and nephew(and a god baby on the way). I have created new friendships with people who share the unique insight of what surviving the 6 year program is like. I have received an unbelievable education in one of the most unique hospitals and have grown into the kind of clinician I wanted to be. And my most recent gain, is a reliable car which I got all on my own with my very first contract and an apartment in Little Rock to kick off my sneakers at the end of the day/night/morning whatever it may be. I am truly blessed.

Matched!

Ahhh! I'm going to be an Emergency Medicine doctor!!! Everything I have done has been working up to this point. I found out this morning that I have been placed with a residency somewhere and my dream of being a physician is going to come to pass. I don't think I had let myself think about how stressed I really was for this day to come until today. No matter how much I felt that I would probably get placed, there is always this little voice in the back saying, "but what if you don't." I feel very relieved and beyond excited knowing that I officially have a job come June/July. Now the wait has started for Friday when I will find exactly where I will be spending the next 3 years. This may very well be the longest week of my life!
I am incredibly grateful for all the support. It is days like this that I am reminded of all of the people who have stood in the background cheering me on every single day no matter if I was on top of the mountain or on the edge of giving in to failure. I have a large group of people out there who have believed in me every day even when I haven't believed in myself. Today is not only a day for me, but also for everyone who has helped me get here. I have actually made it! And I wouldn't have made it without my huge support system.
My first two weeks of March have been incredibly busy, stressful, and exciting. I worked a bunch of shifts in the Emergency Room and it is definitely spring. Lots of people out and about. More illnesses, more gun shots, more ER visits. The absolute chaos has been right up my alley. There have definitely been tough moments, heartbreaking experiences, but I am thankful for every ounce of experiences I have had.
This weekend I spent with my family for my grandpa's 74th birthday. At least we agreed that it was likely his 74th though there was some discussion it was his 73rd or 75th. His son flew in from Portland to surprise him which I got to be a huge part of and on Saturday night my baby brother arrived home for his 2 week visit. It was a very typical visit. Lots of laughter, shenanigans, cards, and dessert.
I finished my weekend by having dinner and drinks with my beautiful mama. We so rarely get just a little bit of time to just us so it was a good time. We filled each other in on everything going on and then checked out the brush fire that had gotten out of control on the river. A little bit of excitement to end my entirely too fast weekend.
This should be a great week and I look forward to sharing with everyone my placement for residency come Friday. I have my Match Day dress all picked out and lunch reservations made. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for a good placement, though I must admit I would be happy at most of the programs I interviewed at!

February

Some months are very difficult and for me February was definitely one of those months. I spent November-January basically on "vacation," though I was interviewing and substitute teaching on my days at home. February was my first month back to school and I started it with a required medicine and film class. I won't bore you with the details, but it was definitely not a class I enjoyed and reminded me why I don't enjoy classes and how much I really missed being a clinician. 

On February 11th, my grandfather passed away after a long and brutal fight against lung cancer. Over the last year and a half, my family watched a strong and independent man wither away. I saw him a week before he died and I am comforted by the fact that he was at peace with his fate and felt like he was still "winning" even in death. He was a man who welcomed everyone with open arms and believed anyone could succeed if they tried. The number of people's lives he touched is unmeasurable. While the initial grief has subsided, I still have moments when I'm angry. I am very thankful that my sister from the other side of my family, Jamie, came up to support me just because virtual hugs are just not the same. And thankful that my oldest friend, Crystal gave up her Valentine's Day with her husband to be there to support me as we laid my grandfather to rest. I am extremely blessed to be surrounded by people who love me and support me not matter the circumstances, distance, or day of the year.

The rest of February went by in a blur mostly filled with grief, anger, and stress. At the end of January, I submitted my rank list for residency and now I await my placement. As time goes on I have waves of confidence and waves of complete fear that I will be unemployed next year. On March 20th, I will be surrounded by my family while I receive my placement for the next 3 years. 

I ended February with one of the few positive things of my month, a leap of faith trip to Boise. I had an incredible time exploring the city and seeing the mountains with a wonderful guy. It was an entirely too fast 3 day weekend and I arrived home Monday afternoon. 

This month I am finally back to seeing patients and I am sure will be a much better month. I hit it hard starting Monday with my orientation and spent both Tuesday and Wednesday working in the ER. It is so nice to be back even though I am very rusty. I definitely think Tuesday was much better than Monday. I am easing back into a normal routine. Tomorrow I have a crazy busy day with clinic in the morning and working the swing shift in the ER in the evening. In fact, I am in for a very busy and hectic month with very few days off and lots of excitement. A month that is definitely up my alley!

Does time ever slow down?

I have no idea why I continue to kid myself and ever think that things truly slow down in my life. I just came off of my 2 months of vacation (haha!) and I must say I am happy to be back to a little more routine. I finished up my interviews in the middle of January and then had 2 excruciating weeks of having no idea where I wanted my life to go. I may not have been the most reasonable and pleasant person during this particular period of time. Who knew making life changing decisions could make someone so stressed and irritable. But alas I have finished my rank list and now I await my placement that will come in March.

I have become a very spoiled Aunt Katie over the last few weekends and I am enjoying every moment that I can with my sweet nieces. I want to be that Aunt who is very close with her nieces and nephews and knowing that I may be leaving the area for awhile it is important to me that I get the bonding time now! Aurora is now 6 weeks old, holding up her head, and is very aware of her surroundings. Meri has a mind of her own and is starting to form a very loveable personality.

Life is overall is a really great place and I am looking forward to the next stepping stones in my life. First with Match in March and then graduation in May. Who knew I would get this far? I am also in the middle of a fun, exciting, and sometimes frustrating adventure, but more on that another time. I have decided to try my hand at writing short stories during my free time(which may be why I haven't finished one yet.) Oh and I'm looking forward to spring time and I've become a selfie queen(who would have thought? thanks mom!)

Oh and one more thing I want to finish with the raincoat story. A couple weekends ago both my older sister and I came to St Joseph to celebrate my grandma's birthday. As we often do, we decided to go on a quick run to target and while browsing we came across the adorable raincoat you can see Meri wearing in the above photo. Her mother said no, but because I am a wonderful aunt I refused to take no for an answer and Meri loves her new coat. And that is how I remember the whole story and I am a hero. Now all she needs is the matching umbrella!

Texas, 2 more down and 1 to go

Last week I went on one of my last interview adventures and drove to the heart of Texas. I accepted 2 different interview offers in Texas and was able to schedule them both on the same week making life just a bit easier. My first stop was Temple and my second stop was Dallas.

The drive from KC to Temple was about 10 hours plus some stop time. I have become a little smarter about this road trip business and started bright and early(5am) to beat the rush hour, packed plenty of snacks, and loaded up the car the night before. I actually really enjoy the drive time for the most part. I'm that girl jamming out as I drive down the highway and as music is one of my favorite things in this world road trips have become a bit of an escape. Since I left early in the morning for Temple, I was able to wait until the day of my interview dinner to drive up giving me an extra day in KC, which I may have used to pack and go on a second date.

Temple is basically a large town in literally the heart of Texas. It sits between Houston, Austin, and Dallas with each being within a couple hour drive. It is home to 2 different lakes and lots of hiking. I had a wonderful experience at the pre-interview dinner. The residents were very welcoming and went out of their way to talk to each of us and the Tex-Mex was incredible! Since it was 65 degrees we were able to finish the evening out by the fire pit making s'mores and talking football.

My actual interview day went very well. I feel like I have finally found my stride when it comes to this interview thing. I think a lot of people in the process go through and come up with scripted answers to all the questions they think might be asked in the process. I really didn't do that. Maybe I should have, but I went with the wing it and be sincere/candid approach instead. I much more prefer having a conversation than being drilled with questions and I try to gear all my interviews towards something much more like that.  Most of the time I am pretty successful in leading the interview towards being more of a conversation. They treated us to lunch out by one of the lakes which was beautiful and delicious. Did I mention the residents were really nice?

After Temple I headed towards the Dallas area. I had an extra day and had initially planned on using it to hike, but Texas got a cold front and they were facing highs of 35 which was better than being at home, but not good hiking weather. So I spent the day in Fort Worth checking out a little bit of the area.

My last couple days in Texas, I spent in Dallas. The Dallas Emergency Medicine program is one of the largest programs in the country and services the largest(I think) ER in the country. I didn't quite remember that when I headed to the interview dinner and was a little overwhelmed when I walked into a house of tons of people. It was very clear that the residents were all very close with each other and spent a lot of time hanging out which is something I like in a program. Again the food, Tex-Mex is just good food and they had diet Dr Pepper(they speak my language). I also met one of the residents who I was pleasantly surprised to hear was from my small hometown, St Joseph. Typically I tell people that I'm from Kansas City during the process because people know where that is and then when they ask if I grew up there I always say I grew up about an hour north of there. So when I asked this resident where he was from his response was, "Kansas City, well actually I'm from a small town about an hour north of there." Small world. Again another group of really great residents and I felt my actual interview went very well.

After I finished up in Dallas, I headed home and took the long way home. Basically my GPS took me to a small highway that went through a lot of cities meaning I was going from 70 to 35 mph every few minutes which is not fun on a 10 hour drive so I had to add a little extra time to my drive to get back to the interstate, but otherwise it was uneventful.

All in all I had an incredible trip to Texas. I have one last trip left next week and I will officially be done leaving the hardest part. Making my rank list, though I think I am finally getting to a point where I can make a decision.

I have a new found love for Sushi!

I came home to my first Birchbox!