Vacation and Timing/Dating

I knew my life was changing when I packed up those boxes and drove through the mountains(hills) to arrive in the next chapter of my life, residency. I spent days (no, scratch that, weeks) of my time pouring over notes on each of the places that I interviewed, but the biggest question I had to answers was if leaving Kansas City was really in my future. I had spent the previous months telling my family I was sure I was leaving to prepare them for at least the possibility. While initially I had some resistance by Match day each of my family members(even my mama) were excited that I had been placed at my number one choice. So for the first time in my life, I was going to be more than a hour from my family and more than the custom 2 hours from by big sister(my anchor.)

There are days the distance weighs on me heavily. I had spent my years in medical school dashing into my car and making the drive home when the waters got rough. I remember one time making the rush for home and stopping in Platte City(the half way point) to get gas. I was all kinds of upset, in tears, on the phone when I got out of the car. For the life of me now, I don't remember what I was upset about, but I locked my keys in my car. My mom made the 40 minute drive to let me into my car and give me a huge. It is much harder to jump in the car for a quick 7 hour drive home. This year was the first year I missed Christmas and Thanksgiving with my family and there are countless birthdays and events I miss. (I will say I am comforted by the fact that I am receiving incredible training and have the best family away from my family that anyone could ask for.)

My last visit home was a short one for 3 days on a weekend at the beginning of December(which I was able to take thanks to my wonderful family away from my family covering my shifts.) So after 3 months away, I packed up, unplugged everything, turned off all the lights, and headed north. Well northwest, for a quick side trip to Emporia where my sister calls home. What better place to start(and finish) my time at home than by scooping up my gorgeous niece and making memories with her. I started at the hair salon(getting a much overdue touchup and trim) where the hair dresser told me she had cut my nieces hair earlier that morning and that she was running around telling everyone, "my mommy's sister is coming and it is so hard to wait for my Aunt Katie." Well I could relate with little Mer, because knowing that they would be meeting me at the salon toward the end of my appointment, it was so hard to wait. I spent my entire appointment looking into the mirror at the reflection of the door behind me, waiting. My sister and I had some much needed catch up time. She listened and listened to all of my stories of work and the problems of a dating twenty-something girl(more on that later). We had some brownie batter(the best part of brownies), I gave Mer her new books(you'd have thought I was giving her chocolate), and then Mer and I had a sleep over in her room.

The following morning I headed towards my hometown to hop around town and see my family. I got in some much needed mother-daughter time. With so much always going on it is hard for us to find some alone time, but we managed to fit in some shopping together and a couple dinners/lunches during my short time at home. And I was spoiled over and over again with some of the absolute best food in the world. Homemade food at the hands of my mother. I enjoyed a laugh at the stories of my baby sister and listened to the new plans and experiences of my middle sister. It was a wonderful few days that blew by. I finished up my time at home by going back to Emporia. This time for Mer's 4th birthday. We took family pictures in 35 degree weather in spring attire(brrrrrrrrrrr) and Mer and I had another sleep over. She woke up the next morning, rolled over, and exclaimed, "I'm still 4! I want to be 4 forever." I think we would all love for her to be 4 forever.

The next leg of my vacation was a true vacation. Something I haven't done in a few years. For many, many years I have talked about heading out to the Northwest for hiking and sightseeing. My grandpa grew up in Seattle and I have always wanted to see the places that went with his crazy stories. (like falling out of a 2nd story window into blackberry bushes when he was 4 or patching up a boat he found on shore incorrectly and taking it out to then sink in the bay.) I had originally designed the trip as my first solo vacation. 50% sightseeing, 50% hiking. In December(during the short weekend home), I mentioned the trip to my grandpa so I could pick his brain on things to see and he simply said, "we will come with you." And all of a sudden my first solo trip became what I knew would be a memory making trip with my grandparents. I was going to see first hand my grandpa's original home and hear his stories. While my mix of hiking/sightseeing was definitely going to change, I knew I also wanted to still fit in hiking while I was out west. So it was going to be 20% hiking and 80% sightseeing and it was bound to be wonderful and perfect. At a ridiculous hour in the morning, the 3 of us woke up and groggly made our way for the airport at 3:30am. I was doing exceptionally well. I had managed to get all of us into the car, to the airport, and them dropped off at the doors in exceptional time. I drove my car to the economy parking and as I shivered waiting for the bus to take me to the terminals, I dug into my purse to find my phone. That morning I had a couple of text messages from the night before that I had read, but not answered. I dug and dug. And then I panicked. Rushing back to the car, I quickly searched all the normal places in my car that I place my phone while driving, then the trunk, and then the not so normal places out of pure desperation. That was it, I was going to have the accept the truth. I had left my phone a hour away. I jumped on the bus and made my way to the airport. The first thing I did was borrow my grandpa's phone to text my step mom in panic.  After the efforts of my stepmom, dad, and 2 of my grandpa's employees my phone was located. My stepmom sent off what at the time I thought was an essential text message and then sent off my phone to be overnighted. To the west, my grandparents and I were dashing across the Salt Lake City airport to just barely board our second plane before the closed the doors behind us. We arrived without any real issues in Portland to cool, misty weather. Oh the greens everywhere were wonderful.(I love spring!) My grandfather has a son who lives in Portland and put us up for our couple days in the area. We spent some time exploring the local area and I spent a lot of time just exploring the local neighborhood and trying to get outside as much as possible. I spent a single day while in Portland hiking. I'll include my hiking story below for anyone who is curious(mom you should probably skip that part.)

After a short couple of days, the 3 of us boarded a train and found our way into Seattle. Traveling by train is probably my favorite way to travel. I can relax and stare out the window for hours in comfortable seats with the ability to get up for a walk if I want. I fell in love with Seattle as soon as I passed into the threshold of the city. The surrounding bodies of water, the big city, and hussle and bussle. I couldn't wait to start the exploring and my grandpa was on the same page. We started by having seafood right on the waterfront. The best salmon I have ever enjoyed and I finally got to fix my oyster craving. We worked our way through the Curiosity shop full of mermaids, 2 headed rabbits, and snake skins feet and feet long. I did a little solo walking through the city giving into my own curiosity and endless energy. It has been a busy weekend full of being out on the water, walking the underground, exploring the city, seeing where my grandpa use to jump off of his roof to run to the beach, and the food(and the wine!) With just a couple days left here in Seattle, we still have so much to fit in and I'm going to slide in a little hiking time tomorrow morning. We head back for our homes on Wednesday and while it has been an incredible little bit away from Little Rock, I'm looking forward to getting home, getting back in the ER, and sipping wine with some of my favorite people.

 

It's All About Timing

When I first started blogging, I blogged about my crafts and cooking. I never talked about my life and experiences. As life moved forward and it was more difficult to keep up with family, I made the decision to start a more personal blog to share my stories. I try to tightrope along a fine line between privacy and sharing my life. I enjoy my privacy and I keep certain things very quiet in my life(particularly dating), but when the timing is right I also think sometimes it is important to share those experiences. If for no other reason, than to relate to other people. The last time I had one of these posts, several people reached out to me to share their similar stories. I think sharing our experiences is part of the human experience and so this is my lesson about timing.

As I get older, I find that dating is always changing. Most people at this point in their lives have had several experiences with dating and for the most part those experiences were not ideal otherwise they wouldn't still be dating. So we all come in with some kind of baggage, expectations, concerns, fears. It is also during your twenties(and often thirities) that the rest of life is chaotic and stressful with family expectations, career movement, and quarter-life crisises. And it is during my strolling through this dating in my twenties that I have learned the biggest key to success after attraction is timing. You could meet the perfect person for you, your soulmate even, and if the timing is off it is over before it ever gets started.

One of the most common questions I get when I catch up with family, old friends, or meet new people is whether or not I'm dating. My answer is often no to stop that line of questioning before it gets started, but in honesty I'm always at least kind of dating. My years of not dating out of frustration and bitterness are far behind me. I came to the revelation that when this life is over, the things that end up mattering is the people. Not the money, the successes, the big trips(not that these aren't great parts of life). Relationships with other people is what gives our lives meaning and so if I'm fortunate enough to find the right person to share life experiences with then I'd welcome that next chapter of my life. But as a general rule, I no longer date anyone on a serious level right out of the gate. I try to let relationships take the path they are meant to take on their own.(I'll admit I occasionally have weak moments where I get ahead of myself.) One of my biggest hurdles to dating is what I will call the "bored" factor. My brain is a busy bee and is constantly moving and unfortunately I often get bored before the end of the first date and sometimes before the first date even occurs. But then there are the occasions that I meet someone who maintains my interest and I'm curious about what will come next. And typically when this happens, the timing issue comes in, but we will get there.

At the beginning of the year, I grabbed drinks with the first guy I would agree to a second date with since moving south. We met around 8-ish and talked our way through the evening. I remember being surprised when we had ran into "last call." Little Rock is wonderful, but it is much different than Kansas City. It is not uncommon for establishments in Little Rock to close much earlier than I am use to and so I figured it was one of those kind of things, but to my surprise it was close to 1:30 in the morning. It was easy to agree to a next day second date when he asked and just like that things were kind of moving along. The daily texting that is modern dating and intermittent dates. Without getting into too many details, there were issues with scheduling and time that made it tough for us to see each other regularly and that would be the case until the summer, but it worked for our busy lifestyles. A second date turned into a third and on. As things moved forward, there started to be signs that having something more serious was definitely a possibility many months down the road. And after a weekend of a couple of great dates that timing thing started to show its ugly head. But first let's go back to that baggage. I have never been on a date with someone who doesn't have some kind of baggage and some people handle it much better than others, but we all have the horror relationship story that has changed us, scared us, scarred us. Plus whatever baggage we carry with us from our childhood, college years, and careers. I had a moment where he got to see one of my moments of weakness. They are moments that often pass by quickly, but sometimes are stronger than others for me. And I asked that dreaded question, "where do you think this is going?" I thought I already knew the answer I was going to get. You know, all those signs that when the scheduling worked its self out and things really started to progress months down the road there were really possibilities there. Not just passing time. But it turns out the signs were actually written in latin and I can't really read latin. After a few weeks of uncertainly, it became clear our timing was off. I was open to whatever may come, including the possibility of stronger feelings and commitment and he was still living with the horrors of a previous relationship. We just weren't on the same page. The lesson of timing.

When I was visiting home, my sister asked the question, "if this doesn't work its self out are you going to quit dating for awhile again." She was there during the days where I adamently was never dating and so she was probably dreading the whining saga that she thought could be coming. While I would never say that dating is paradise, I decided awhile ago it was worth it anyway. So I'll continue at least kind of dating, but if you ask if I'm dating the answer of course will be no. :)

The Hiking Story

In recent months, I met someone who made the comment that "I feel everything so strongly." Well it is difficult for me to argue that point. I try to emmerse myself in my life: the blessings, the disappointments, the sadness, the pure joy. There have been plenty of moments in my life that have been anything but happy and so I have found different passions that send me into straight euphoria. Hiking is one of those passions. Breathing in the fresh air, hearing the streams, being completely off the grid, and constantly being in motion forward help me to reset. I occasionally will listen to music, but mostly I just listen to the silence and leave myself in my own head. I find clarity and answers during these soul searching times. But above all of the self revealing moments, I just love to be outside. With a little help from a local, I picked out my big Portland hike. I was going to skip the more touristy and busy hikes(especially as it was spring break) and I was headed for Salmon River just a hour from Portland. The Salmon River trail is what is called a dogbone. It goes out, there is a small loop at the end, and then you come back the same way, but I was going to continue pass the loop to make my way towards a much bigger loop that went around the whole park. I made my way along the trail enjoying the endless green and the river that the path follows along. It took so little time before the euphoria took over and I was smiling like a 6 year old on Christmas(or me on Christmas.) As I got to the loop which was in the bluffs over the river, I traveled along and across several streams. Proud of the performance of my new hiking boots keeping my feet dry. I found myself at the sign the signified a new trail was ahead and I headed on forward towards my large loop. All and all I was going to finish at a little less than 15 miles. My new trail was a bit exhausting. It gained about 2500 in elevation. I started to see bits of snow here and there and eventually as I continued higher and higher up I found myself in mid-calf snow. There was a moment I considered turning back right as I started getting into the snow, but then I told myself that ahead of me was 6 miles and behind me was 9 miles. I am a bit of a hard head. When I get committed to mission, it is almost impossible for me to back down and give up. So, I had continued on and had found myself in mid-calf snow when all signs of a trail abruptly stop. No more foot prints, no signs, no life. Did I mention I was hard headed? With the lake visible, I knew that it was about a half a mile before I should hit a parking lot and start heading down the bluffs. So again, I made the decision to move forward. After a tough and exhausting 10-ish minutes of trying to find signs of a trail and moving forward(falling a couple times), I found myself taking a step and the snow came up to mid-thigh. I stopped and looked around. I wasn't even sure I was on the ground anymore. It was time to admit defeat. Knowing there was so much less in front of me and 9 miles behind me, I had a moment where I considered panicking. Instead I turned around and followed my own footsteps back to the trail, down the bluffs, and made great time making it back to the car before dark. The sight of the car is probably one of the most satifying moments I have had. I was exhausted, sore, and ready to plug back into the world. I got a lot out of that "little" hike. I got to feel the complete euphoria that comes from hiking, I enjoyed the beautiful views the Portland area has to offer, and I reminded myself how incredible I am and how magnificent the human body is. Needless to say, I spent a couple of very sore days throwing back some naproxen.

Progress of an Intern

With only 4 months left in residency, I find myself in those moments of panic that I still have no idea what I am doing. In the near future, I am going to be the "upper level" and my responsibilities are going to exponentially grow. It's such an exciting and anxiety-provoking thought to realize that I have already come this far. I may have so much to still learn, skills to still perfect, and experiences waiting for me, but one thing is for certain, I am lightyears ahead of the girl who moved here last summer. I am afraid of so much less than I was before and I have started to learn the art of telling people I don't know what is going on with you, but I ruled out all the bad stuff.

This month, I am taking a short detour from the ER to spend some time up on OB delivering babies. There was a time in my life that I was sure OBGYN was what I would do for the rest of my life, but Emergency Medicine stole my heart away. A couple nights ago, I got a bit of a reminder why I thought OB was going to be my thing. As I was standing at the end of the bed, cheering on mom, waiting for baby, I looked up to see the pure happiness in this soon to be baby's parent's faces. This isn't something I am going to do for a living so I never know the real protocol, but I passed baby off to mom instead of the pediatrician and watched those first mom-baby moments. Mom looked up to me and simply said, "thank you." It was such an interesting and heartfelt moment. She had just done the hardest work she will ever do and she was thanking me for not letting her baby fall to the floor. I felt privledged to be part of that moment. I have these moments in the ED as well. Medicine is full of heartbreaking and lifesaving moments. It's what keeps me doing what I am doing, keeps me humbled, and helps give meaning to my life and my career.

I'm sticking to my new goal for a year of personal growth, positivity, and being present in every moment both good and bad. I've spent the last couple of months working my way through "Daring Greatly" by Brene Brown. Mostly I don't have as much time as I'd like to to really sit down and read it, but I find it highly fascinating. Brene Brown is a woman who has spent her whole life researching vulnerability and shame and how it shapes our culture. I think her work is something very applicable to my own life as well as helps me see the world through the eyes and struggles of those walking around me. She talks about vulnerability meaning "showing up and letting yourself be seen just as you are" and she talks a lot about how vulnerability is required for every truly great(and terrible) moment in our lives. Vulnerability is required to live life and not just survive life. I've been committed to taking better care of me. Fitting in work outs when I have the time, cooking meals, packing snacks, drinking wine, watching sitcoms, leaning on my friends/family during the tough moments, and keeping myself going.

On the horizon is a ton of happy moments. I will be headed home within the next couple of weeks to see my family and spend time with my wonderful nieces. I will be taking family pictures with both sides of my family, having Sunday dinner, celebrating Merideth's 4th birthday, and then headed off toward hiking, wine, and sightseeing in Seattle/Portland. It is going to be an incredible couple of weeks away to recoup. Prepare for pictures!

New Year, New Goals, New Adventures

It's a brand New Year with a bunch of blank pages just waiting to be filled with stories, adventures, and (hopefully) personal growth. But before I talk about the new year and what I'm looking forward to many weeks ago I started a blog post that I never got around to finishing and it's important to me to share this little bit that I wrote at that time.

"On rare occasions at the end of the day I feel completely defeated. I question my abilities and how good I'm going to be at this. This past weekend, I had the worst day of residency I have had so far. I felt defeated by noon and by the time I left for home all I wanted to do was lay on the couch and cry. When I got home, I did just that and to my complete surprise I heard a knock at my door shortly after the crying commenced. I unwrap myself from my blankets, shuffle to the door, and look out to see 2 of my absolute best friends standing out there. One who had worked a 12 hour call all day and one who was supposed to be having date night with her love. I opened the door to hugs, Thai food, desserts, 2 bottles of wine, Dr Pepper chap stick, fall candles, flowers, and other various things. These girls completely know me. They get me. I realize in that moment how truly blessed I am to have these friends who drop everything to be with me in my moment of need."

 There has never been any doubt since the moment I settled in here that I had hit the lottery in the friends department. These people are what keep me going here when I just want to crawl back in bed and let the world pass by.

It is unbelievable to me that it is already the new year, but then again the weather in Little Rock has certainly taken a downward turn and it has been awfully cold this last couple weeks. I spent my New Years Eve and morning working in the Emergency Department with some great people. But it was a week of work and I never got to sit down and make goals for the year, so I decided my New Year would start on Sunday so I could write down what I wanted to accomplish first. One of the main things I am focusing on this year is taking better care of me. Having days where I unplug from the world completely and just enjoy what's around me. Slowing way down when I come home at night and not having so many things happening at once during every moment of my day. Focusing on all of the positive things that happen every day around me and spend less time worrying about the stresses. My main financial goal is just to keep better track of my spending account like I promised I would.

I am starting this year out with a month of Medicine. It is going to be a lesson in patience for me and a lot of hours, but a good time for studying for my inservice exam. The big adventure I'm looking forward to that is just on the horizon is my trip in March. I am going to have a couple of weeks off and I am splitting that time. The first week I am going to be going home and I can't wait to have more than just a couple days to spend with my family. I will have time to just relax and really see everyone. Merideth with be turning 4(which I just can't believe) and I will be doing family pictures with both sides of my family. After a weekend of birthday excitement, I will be hitting the airport with my grandparents for a trip I have been talking about taking for years. I have decided that this year is the year and I am pulling the trigger and going. I am doing a Seattle/Portland trip. Exploring the cities and doing some hiking in one of the most beautiful places in the country. My grandfather grew up in Seattle and so I am so excited to be sharing my first Seattle experience with him.

I know that 2016 will be my best year yet and that there is so much to look forward to. Here's to new adventures, time with family, nights with friends, positivism, hard work, and the unknown. Happy New Year!

A Blessed, Home-sick, Midwest Girl

It is astonishing to think I moved 500 miles south 6 months ago and I am close to being half way done with my intern year. I am somehow even busier in residency or maybe I just need more sleep these days, but I never seem to have any time to just lay around, blog, watch TV, work out, make dinner. I am certain my lack of time has something to do with me being blessed with some of the best friends anyone could have. I prefer to spend my down time with my family away from my family. Whether that means wine nights, watching football, catching OUAT with Heather, having dinner/breakfast, or just using my extra couple of minutes to send a couple of "what's going on in your life" texts. These are the people who keep me going everyday and listen to even the most repetitive or minuscule details of my life. They are who I tell my heart-wrenching work stories to and who I share this experience with every day. Without them I wouldn't be able to do what I do. My gratitude to have them in my life grows daily, especially during this holiday season.
My life completely changed last summer and I am just starting to get perspective on exactly how much is different about my life and who I am. I have been living life moment to moment, not truly realizing how much time had really passed already. The arrival of the holiday season struck me hard as I copied down my November schedule. I had known how likely it was I would be spending this holiday season away from my family as I submitted my rank list last winter and I was certain I would be spending it in Little Rock as I packed away all my Christmas decor into a storage unit last May. Yet somehow, the true weight of that realization didn't really settle in until November showed up as my next moment. I felt my first pangs of home-sickness during those 2 minutes I scribbled down my November work schedule. As November came to an end, my home-sickness weighed on me heavily and I was counting down the days until I would be able to go home for a 2.5 day Christmas vacation.
I am incredibly blessed to have a family who love me and support my career/dreams year after year without any complaints. I have missed countless get-togethers, birthday parties, weddings, and holidays over the years, but this would be the first time I would be gone for Thanksgiving and Christmas. This year's Christmas in the Balogh and Harris households were rescheduled for 2 weeks before December 25th to allow me to be "home for Christmas." And being home for Christmas was such a wonderful thing.  The home cooked meals, the family jokes and laughter, the games, the chatting were all rejuvenating.
One of the hardest parts about being so far away is not being able to watch my beautiful nieces grow into the Little Humans they are becoming. Merideth is old enough that she knows who I am, where I live, what I do with my life, and how much I love her. Aurora is still so small and during the 6 months I've been away, I have become a stranger to her. It took her some time to warm up and not cry every time I held her, but we slowly got there before I had to start that 7 hour trek back to Little Rock.
While 72 hours may not seem like an incredibly long time, it was long enough for me to recharge and get some of that perspective on what about me and my life has changed and what never will. I have a whole new set of skills, I'm a little more of a sailor, my wine consumption is a little higher, and I'm surrounding by people who complete get me. I've learned to say no, to not worry about what the outside world thinks, and the power of deep breaths and venting. But I am always going to be that midwest girl at heart who will wear jeans and jerseys to sports events and takes turns letting cars leave from the parking lot. I'll always be a little awkward at first and then somehow talk too much. I'll always have those rebellious moments where I want to do something drastic like take a trip alone to Europe, dye my hair red, or sky dive. But what that 72 hours really did was enlighten me how blessed I truly am in every aspect of my life. Blessed with a supportive/loving family, a family away from my family, life-long friends I've made through the years, a career I enjoy showing up for every day, the ability to help people in some of their most vulnerable times, and an abundance of dreams and goals.

(Side note: I know its been months since I have blogged and I have gotten to do so much: concerts, friendsgiving, lots of new work experiences, Christmas, becoming a VIB at sephora, decorating a new apartment, decorating for Christmas, working on that gym thing, hiking, being spoiled by friends, watching the first half of this season of OUAT, collecting random meme, trying local restaurants, attending the apple cider party, planning an epic trip this spring. I hope to get to sit down this week and write a couple posts to at least hit the highlights.)

Socially Acceptable Habits, Learning Curves, and Other Stuff

As I went through my email this morning, I was surprised to realize it was August. I changed rotations on Monday and so I knew it was August, but I suddenly realized we are 2/3 of the way through summertime. It seems impossible that I moved to Little Rock almost 8 weeks ago. I've already finished my first month(didn't kill anyone) and I'm off to the next big thing which for me is a month of Anesthesia and ultrasound. I spend my mornings in the OR placing endotracheal tubes(breathing tubes) and then dabble with the ultrasound in the ER all afternoon. I am both excited and nervous about this month. I never got to do any intubations or ultrasounding during medical school, so all of these skills are brand new territory for me with steep learning curves. Intubations, I hear, are pretty easy once you really get a handle for them. Day one, I watched several being placed and then stuck around to try some myself. I was pretty excited when I successfully placed 2 endotracheal tubes in a row and called it a day. I was very hopeful that I was simply a natural and all the worrying I had done about trying to learn this skill had been silly. Today however, I missed my first 2 tubes and realized maybe I was just lucky the first 2 times or maybe today was an off day. Either way, there is definitely a learning curve and I can't wait to be really good at it. I try to remind myself regularly that I am still learning and so it is okay to miss one. A couple weeks from now, I probably won't even have to think about it.

Today was my first day of ultrasound. We are lucky enough to have a great ultrasound director and I got a nice overview of expectations, the ultrasound machines, and then got to try my hand at a couple scans. This will likely be the much harder of the 2 skills to learn, but I am looking forward to it. Ultrasound is such a great tool in the ER and a strong ultrasound curriculum was one of the things I was looking for when I applied to residency.

As I have gotten immersed into the world of residency and Emergency Medicine, I have noticed some small changes in my habits and I have to be very careful to avoid socially unacceptable habits. For example, texting or calling someone at 2am is generally frowned upon even if it feels very natural to you. A lot of times when I get settled down for an evening and think about catching up with a friend, I'll start a text and then look up at the clock to see it is well past the acceptable hour of text time. Unless they are ER resident. I text them whenever, I figure there is a decent chance they are awake anyway. Another example is keeping med talk away from the dinner table. There are so few things that truly gross me out at this point in my career that I have to remind myself most people don't want to hear about an impressive open fracture while eating their spaghetti.

The Other Stuff

My sister, brother-in-law, and 3 year old niece drove a mere 7 hours to come down and explore Little Rock for my sister's birthday making them my first set of visitors. I think the drive was more than they were expecting, because I got texts like "where the hell did you move" and "this is taking forever." But somehow the trip finally ended and they arrived late afternoon on Friday. It is hard to believe that so much time has passed since I've seen them and they were a welcomed sight. I was excited to show them the new city I lived in and we had a great weekend. We stuck to strict local restaurants and doing things you can't do anywhere else. We checked out the farmer's market, the big dam bridge, the trolley cars, Clinton Museum, and drove around to see some of the other big landmarks around the city. I'm pretty sure Merideth's favorite part was actually going to the pool on Sunday. Mommy got to be the good mermaid and Daddy was the bad barnacle. I was mostly the one to carry her around the pool as she tried to save Mommy. Our visit came to an end on Sunday afternoon as they packed up to head back to Kansas. But with any luck they will be back in the spring as they pass through and we head for the beach. This was a weekend of firsts for little miss Mer. Her first vacation, first time in a different state(and first time in Arkansas), first time on a trolley car, first road trip. We will be expanding that list of firsts when we get her down to the beach.

In less than 2 weeks, I will be packing my bag and headed back to Missouri to visit my family. I am certain it will be a fast and furious few days while I'm there, but I am excited to see everyone. This may be the last time I get to go home for more than just a day or 2 for several months and so I plan to take full advantage.

Before the arrival of my sister's family on Friday, I spent my Thursday hiking with Shae at Petit Jean State Park. Hiking has become one of my absolute favorite things to do. I find being outside and being around water to be very relaxing and enjoyable. We hiked down to the waterfall and it was absolutely beautiful. The hike up was a bit more strenuous, but totally worth it. I can't wait to go back that direction and hike some of their other trails. Shae and I have decided to try to hike all of the state parks in Arkansas over the next 3 years by trying to go at least once a month. There are probably a few parks we will go to more than once, but Arkansas has 52 state parks for us to cover so we definitely have plenty of trails to explore.(Small side note: took Mer up to Pinnacle Mountain this weekend and I'm pretty sure I have a little hiker in the making.)

I have so many experiences that I want to have over the next 3 years while also working on becoming the best possible EM physician I can be. I plan do so a lot of traveling starting here in the states and plenty of hiking. Once I really start to get a solid study plan going for my in-service exam, I think I am going to try to learn some Spanish. So between learning new skills, studying, hiking, traveling, spending time with friends, keeping up with family, learning a new language, and keeping up with my own well-being(sleep, making dinner, working out) I should have my hands full for quite awhile.

Bonus Pictures
Sunset from where I walk some nights

So This is Intern Year

On March 20th surrounded by some of the people I love the most, I opened my Match envelop and was thrilled to find that I had matched at my top choice in Little Rock, Arkansas. The weeks that followed went by fast and furious as I prepared for my upcoming move. To say I was a little nervous about the big change would probably be a bit of an understatement. I had spent my entire life living in Missouri and never being more than a hour away from my family. Everything was about to change in my life all at once. I was leaving behind my family, friends, everything I knew, and starting a brand new exciting career with a lot more responsibilities. 

So 6 weeks ago on a Friday morning, I started my journey towards Little Rock with my 2 sets of parents and on Saturday morning the 5 of us spent a very hot, sweaty hour carrying in all of my worldly possessions(I later found that I had managed to leave all of my skillets at my old place and that we had brought down and carried in an entire box of trash). The afternoon was spent putting together my bed/chairs and getting things unpacked. On Saturday night, my mom and Jim took me to dinner and we ended the night with some wine and crown royal in my new home. I don't think it really sank in that I was truly about to start over until they left that night and I was sipping wine alone in my new apartment. 

I spent my very last day before starting Residency doing what any fun, exciting 25 year old would do: laying on the couch binge watching movies. 

The next 2 weeks were both wonderful and awful all at the same time. You know how orientation is just mind-numbing, well imagine doing basically the same orientation everyday for a week followed by computer training on 3 different systems. Dull just doesn't seem to begin to explain those days. My only saving grace was spending it with the other 9 Emergency Medicine interns and our ongoing group text. My intern class is made up of a group of funny, laid back, and unique people who are going to make this next 3 years so much easier and a ton of fun. 

I spent those evenings going to some of the local bars and restaurants, hiking, and meeting new people. And while I had only been here 2 weeks when orientation had ended, I already knew that I was going to have some incredible friends here and I had made the right choice. 

July 1st

As the attending I worked with that day so called it D day(which he followed up with: it doesn't really get better until D day+50). July 1st is the day where all across the country, interns in every specialty are starting their new careers and will for the first time introduce themselves to patients as Dr. I was lucky enough to be schedule in the Emergency Department for my first month and so on July 1st I put on my black scrubs and dove in. I was definitely a bit nervous and to say that I was awkward seems pretty accurate. Most new situations and meeting new people makes me awkward. My first patient was one of the most complicated patients I have seen so far. Walking in blind, I started my training with a patient who would need a great deal of care and eventually ICU. I was pushed to make my own decisions and for that I am very grateful. I suppose you could call it a sink or swim kind of environment with a lot of back up and help anytime you have a question. I couldn't think of a better type of learning for me. I think that first day I only saw 5 patients in the 10 hours I was there. But I survived and managed not to kill anyone. 

The rest of the month has been a whirlwind. I see a lot more patients every shift now and I have gotten use to 10 hour shifts being more like 11-12 hour shifts. When I started this month, I didn't dare peak my head into a room of a new patient who obviously was very sick and now I am more brave. I'm a little better with ultrasound, though I still have a long way to go. I've done a couple of procedures, but still have a ton to try. But everyday, I make progress. I learn more and more. All of the attendings are helpful, but challenge me to look it up, make a decision, give it a go. The upper year residents have been a true blessing. Even though they are extremely busy all the time and I ask them questions continuously, they never seem to mind. 

Sometimes as cheesy as it sounds, I think the stars align and the universe places you exactly where you are meant to be. I absolutely love it here and I am certain that not only will I get incredible training over the next 3 years, but I will also have the opportunity to help make changes to the system and better the healthcare here. With great new friends, an incredible start to my training, and a wonderful new apartment, I feel happier and more alive than I have felt in a very long time. I'm finally where I want to be and I have a feeling it will only get better from here. 

 

New Life, New Home

After a wonderful, crazy 7 years in Kansas City, I packed my bags and moved to Little Rock last week. I would say the very first thing we noticed as we climbed the stairs to my 3rd floor apartment was how much more humid it was here. Temperature wise it is very similar, but the humidity here is much higher. I spent my first night exploring the general area with my dad and step-mom. We discovered a little Mexican restaurant and found the closest grocery stores and gas stations. The following morning my mom and Jim arrived with the trailer full of my things. Between the 5 of us we were able to carry everything up in about 45 very sweaty minutes. I am beyond blessed to have so much help moving and getting set up. I had all of my big things put together and placed by Saturday afternoon and only a couple of boxes left to unpack when we called it a day later in the afternoon. I spent the evening driving around looking for dinner with my mom and Jim and we rounded the night off with some talking and wine.
I was sad to see them leave that night and the reality of starting over really sunk in. I spend my Sunday mostly laying around instead of doing the unpacking I should have been doing. Honestly, I was exhausted. All the real fun started Monday morning with the excitement of computer training followed by 4 days of typical orientation.
The best part about being here so far are the people. There are 10 of us starting EM residency and we all seem to get along really well already. We have a running group text which makes me giggle out loud in the middle of orientation. One of my biggest fears about moving here was not having the same social support that I had in Kansas City. I was leaving my friends and family behind starting from scratch and I'm not always the best at meeting new people, but so far things are going really well.
I've done a lot of eating and socializing. Today, I hiked for the first time in 2015. We hiked up Pinnacle Mountain and it is definitely one of those hikes where at the top you feel(and look) like you really accomplished something. It was more of a mix between rock climbing and hiking. The view was gorgeous(completely worth it) and I had great company. There is supposed to be a lot of hiking around this area and I'm excited to check out the other trails/parks. 
I have so many things to look forward to in the immediate future and I can't wait to get started come July. I am very happy I took this leap of faith to come here and don't have any regrets. I feel like I am right where I belong(how cheesy does that sound?).