Monday, March 16, 2015


Ahhh! I'm going to be an Emergency Medicine doctor!!! Everything I have done has been working up to this point. I found out this morning that I have been placed with a residency somewhere and my dream of being a physician is going to come to pass. I don't think I had let myself think about how stressed I really was for this day to come until today. No matter how much I felt that I would probably get placed, there is always this little voice in the back saying, "but what if you don't." I feel very relieved and beyond excited knowing that I officially have a job come June/July. Now the wait has started for Friday when I will find exactly where I will be spending the next 3 years. This may very well be the longest week of my life!
I am incredibly grateful for all the support. It is days like this that I am reminded of all of the people who have stood in the background cheering me on every single day no matter if I was on top of the mountain or on the edge of giving in to failure. I have a large group of people out there who have believed in me every day even when I haven't believed in myself. Today is not only a day for me, but also for everyone who has helped me get here. I have actually made it! And I wouldn't have made it without my huge support system.
My first two weeks of March have been incredibly busy, stressful, and exciting. I worked a bunch of shifts in the Emergency Room and it is definitely spring. Lots of people out and about. More illnesses, more gun shots, more ER visits. The absolute chaos has been right up my alley. There have definitely been tough moments, heartbreaking experiences, but I am thankful for every ounce of experiences I have had.
This weekend I spent with my family for my grandpa's 74th birthday. At least we agreed that it was likely his 74th though there was some discussion it was his 73rd or 75th. His son flew in from Portland to surprise him which I got to be a huge part of and on Saturday night my baby brother arrived home for his 2 week visit. It was a very typical visit. Lots of laughter, shenanigans, cards, and dessert.
I finished my weekend by having dinner and drinks with my beautiful mama. We so rarely get just a little bit of time to just us so it was a good time. We filled each other in on everything going on and then checked out the brush fire that had gotten out of control on the river. A little bit of excitement to end my entirely too fast weekend.
This should be a great week and I look forward to sharing with everyone my placement for residency come Friday. I have my Match Day dress all picked out and lunch reservations made. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for a good placement, though I must admit I would be happy at most of the programs I interviewed at!

Thursday, March 5, 2015


Some months are very difficult and for me February was definitely one of those months. I spent November-January basically on "vacation," though I was interviewing and substitute teaching on my days at home. February was my first month back to school and I started it with a required medicine and film class. I won't bore you with the details, but it was definitely not a class I enjoyed and reminded me why I don't enjoy classes and how much I really missed being a clinician. 

On February 11th, my grandfather passed away after a long and brutal fight against lung cancer. Over the last year and a half, my family watched a strong and independent man wither away. I saw him a week before he died and I am comforted by the fact that he was at peace with his fate and felt like he was still "winning" even in death. He was a man who welcomed everyone with open arms and believed anyone could succeed if they tried. The number of people's lives he touched is unmeasurable. While the initial grief has subsided, I still have moments when I'm angry. I am very thankful that my sister from the other side of my family, Jamie, came up to support me just because virtual hugs are just not the same. And thankful that my oldest friend, Crystal gave up her Valentine's Day with her husband to be there to support me as we laid my grandfather to rest. I am extremely blessed to be surrounded by people who love me and support me not matter the circumstances, distance, or day of the year.

The rest of February went by in a blur mostly filled with grief, anger, and stress. At the end of January, I submitted my rank list for residency and now I await my placement. As time goes on I have waves of confidence and waves of complete fear that I will be unemployed next year. On March 20th, I will be surrounded by my family while I receive my placement for the next 3 years. 

I ended February with one of the few positive things of my month, a leap of faith trip to Boise. I had an incredible time exploring the city and seeing the mountains with a wonderful guy. It was an entirely too fast 3 day weekend and I arrived home Monday afternoon. 

This month I am finally back to seeing patients and I am sure will be a much better month. I hit it hard starting Monday with my orientation and spent both Tuesday and Wednesday working in the ER. It is so nice to be back even though I am very rusty. I definitely think Tuesday was much better than Monday. I am easing back into a normal routine. Tomorrow I have a crazy busy day with clinic in the morning and working the swing shift in the ER in the evening. In fact, I am in for a very busy and hectic month with very few days off and lots of excitement. A month that is definitely up my alley!