Saturday, May 31, 2014

More to Life

I've been saying I want to be a physician since I was 8 years old and at 15 I made it my mission to get into the medical program. My 17 year old self had confidence I would sell my soul to have(ok I probably would sell my soul.) I didn't have a back up plan if i didn't get into the program, I was just so sure it would work out for me. I was so sure, I didn't apply anywhere else. I didn't realize how competitive it was to get in until after I interviewed and met the "competition." The day my letter came, I remember calling my grandma while I cried. Somehow I choked out, "I got my letter." And her response was, "oh honey, I'm sorry." The tears were misleading. The following fall I started my journey that would prove to have some major bumps, but brought me here to this point in my life. The last stretch, the final year.
It is a startling reality that I have less than a year left of school and I am finally there. I guess the thing is that while I have been saying that I would be a doctor for the last 16 years and have been in medical school for the past 6 years, I never really imagined myself getting to this point. I suppose I thought it would never get here, but here I am. In less than 1 year, I will be introducing myself as Dr.
This last stretch comes with its own challenges and a very different kind of stress. Over the next few months, I will be collecting letters of recommendation, writing my personal statement, and deciding where to apply for residency. It feels like every decision carries a lot of weight in the outcome of "the match."
With the stress of everything that is to come and being on my core rotations, I quit making time to do the things I love to do(aside from medicine). Like sew, bake, hike. But I stepped into my craft room for the first time in months a couple of weekends ago. I had forgotten how great it felt to finish a project or how fun it was to pick out fabric. I've settled on making myself skirts and putting together quilts to donate to the local children's hospital.  I've also started walking trails during the evening, something that totally puts me at peace. The beautiful pond and all the newborn animals have a very relaxing effect.
Remembering there is more to life than school has been totally rejuvenating. So while I have tried to plan out how everything is going to work out this last year and attempted to be completely prepared, I've realized that I have given my education everything I had and now it is time to give up the reigns and see what life has planned for me. I'm sure it will be amazing. After all every time things didn't go as planned, life ended up being great. Sometimes life isn't about planning, it is abut living.

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