The Next Big Step

What feels like just yesterday, but also like it was lifetime ago, I sit as a very eager and confident 17 year old staring at a medical school application. As I have soldiered through medical school and then residency, this moment in my life has always seemed unreal. I never thought I would get this far. In just 9 short months, I will finish residency and while the learning is far from over, the training will be over. For the first time since I started this journey, the world of possibilities was open to me. The big question we get asked by our mentors, classmates, friends, and family is, where to next? 

I started talks with a couple of hospitals in Kansas City and Nashville in the spring and in August Britton and I boarded a plane for a Kansas City interview. I was excited to introduce my family to Britton and to be near my home for the first time in many months. I wasn't that nervous about the interview its self for some reason. I guess I have been on enough interviews in this lifetime that either it would go well or it wouldn't. Not that the morning before the interview didn't have a few moments of angst.

Britton and I met up with part of my family at one of my favorite cafes for breakfast and then made our way back to the hotel so I could change into my suit. Turns out I had brought the wrong shoes for that suit and Britton had accidentally worn my socks to breakfast. But most of my angst from the morning came from something very different than wardrobe issues. 

I suddenly felt some panic that all of this was about to be over. I was about to have to be able to do this all by myself and was I really ready for that? Do I know enough to practice medicine without any help? The second round of my morning emotional roller coaster was the realization that in just 10.5 months, I would be moving away from some of the best friends I could have ever asked for. People who totally got me even during my struggles. I was certain I wasn't ready to give that up. Nope, I think I'll just try to be a resident for another year. Surely all my friends will want to stay for another year too, right? 

This moment in my life that I had been waiting for, for my entire adult life was clouded by fear. Fear of change, fear of loss, fear of not being able to do it. And as I stared at myself in the mirror with all of these feelings swimming through my head, my recruiter arrived. It was show time, just 3 interviews and one dinner and I could figure this all out tomorrow. 

My first two interviews included a whole lot of information about the hospital and what the ER there was like. My last interview was at Liberty Hospital and included the tour, information, and a whole lot of hanging out. It was laid back and easy, just my kind of environment. It was the moment of the day where the fear melted away for just a few minutes and I just enjoyed hanging out with my type of people. 

Britton would be very disappointed if I didn't tell the story about dinner, though he will probably be more disappointed he can't tell you all himself. After a day full of interviews, I got back to my hotel and switched into a dress. We made our way over to the restaurant a few blocks away. Side note, heels while walking down a hill, not my thing. Frankly it hurts. We made it to dinner and grabbed a drink with everyone before we were seated. Dinner included Britton and I, my recruiter, the 3 medical directors of each hospital I interviewed at and their wives, and a couple other people in administration. We had an amazing dinner, the food was delicious and everyone seemed to have a good time. Towards the end of dinner, the medical director of the Liberty hospital (who was sitting next to me) said my name to get my attention. My grandpa always taught me no elbows on the table, but here I was elbows on the table turning to hear him when one of my more embarrassing moments in life happens. My fitbit(no I don't know why I was wearing with my dress) hits the rim of the glass of my brand new martini tipping it over. The glass goes straight down into some lobster mac&cheese and then splatters all over one of the medical directors.  Yes I was super embarrassed. Yes, he was a little upset. Yes, the other two medical directors found it very funny. And surprisingly, yes I was still offered that job. Oh and what did the Liberty medical director want? He wanted to tell me that he really wanted me to accept a position with them.

I am very thankful for my recruiter that day. He isn't the over the top salesman, which is good for me because I don't buy into those kinds of things. He was honest, laid back, and accommodating. He finished the night off with Britton and I at the hotel bar after dinner. Assuring me that I would be offered all 3 positions and we would figure out what I wanted to do. He would be in touch and I found so would a couple others within the next 12 hours. 

Over the next couple of weeks, I worked through all of my fear of changes. The offers were on the table and I was stalling trying to figure out what I wanted to do with my life. Britton remained supportive and listened to me go back and forth. His parents were also wonderful and had given us their blessing to do what was best for our careers and move to KC. Britton's biggest concern with the whole process has always been being far from his parents. In the end I knew that it wasn't that I didn't want to take the position, I just wasn't ready for life to change yet. But life doesn't wait for us to be ready. After a few weeks of contract negotiating, I am proud to announce that I have accepted a full time position in Liberty come next summer. I'm still a little scared of all the change that is coming, but we are very excited to take this next big step in life. 

Misc Stuff

In just 4 days I start my first vacation in 6 months! It is apple cider season so Britton and I are headed north for my grandparent's annual apple cider party. After that we are off to Charleston for vacation. It is way overdue. And for the first time in our relationship, despite living together we will actually get to see each other every night for 2 whole weeks. 

Our puppy made a bunch of new friends this weekend. He's the cutest.

In light of all the of animosity going around I'll share with you the name of a chapter of one of my favorite authors news books. Be kind to each other, loves.